When We are 80
Since it has been sometime since I posted lackadaisical nonsense . . . okay, not that long, but since the valley of life has thrown me to the weeds in a long, and an undeniable shitstorm of power and persuasion, I escape and release myself through fantasy and humor . . . and as we all know sewing. Today, enjoy a sewing diversion of sorts.
When I am 80 . . . indeed. Just as I have a to-do list of things for today (like grade, write a letter, pay a bill, finish a lingering article, walk the dog, grade, grade some more, work on another lingering article, read a book for review . . . yawn stretch, are you tired yet?) I have a list of things to do when I am 80. My bestie and I conference a few times a year, meeting around the globe in airports and hotels, to meet, relax, give talks, make articles, and plot the next one . . . and drink wine and eat chocolate of good quality and seek each city's epic sushi spot (in Amsterdam . . . we found a place, on a side street, that truly raised the bar). In short, we long ago decided when we are 80 we will revisit places we've already been as there is too much to do and see until then.
Of course, much like this post arose from the wake of stress and prolonged insomnia last night (for which I waited to post as people become distressingly alarmed when I post comedic rants at 3 am), you must realize . . . why 80? We will be old and past the point of concerning ourselves with social decorum.
1. T and I will revist Rome. On a Vespa. Brace yourselves now.
2. We will day drink, at noon, at Parisian cafes while leaving our dentures in water glasses on the table. A garcon, or two, will surely turtle away in horror. Our food and drinks will certainly come with speed. Though, I have given up that my French--which I am good with reading and passable via speaking--still sounds like I'm a fifteen year old in Kentucky. As, well, I was when I first learned it. Thus, when I am 80 there will be an upside . . . It will make me sound like an aged hipster of the 20-teens . . . this, will then, reduce our ages by about fifteen or twenty years. We can then be cougars.
3. We will vacation in Puerto Vallarta, taking our Social Security check and cashing it for one dollar bills. Then, we'll make some beefcake waiter trail back and forth with umbrella drinks as we wave single dollars in fans like they are hundreds.
4. We will revert to our single digit days and drink a Coke, upon which we will only drink that when annoying toads are about our space. Then, when you annoy us we will release that Coke in a belch . . . in your face, then teeter along as if nothing happened. Yes, we will be old and not care.
5. We will tell young girls bemoaning boys and men, always in public spaces, what men are really like. Oh hell, we do that now. Frightening 20 year olds . . . it is our job. No one warned us so beautifully.
6. At some point we will attempt to re-balance our center, while engaging in yoga and most likely frightening everyone there. Two 80 year olds attempting Warrior Pose I. Picture it!
6. We will begin each story with "Picture it: New York 2007!" and such. Just to watch your eyes roll.
7. We will wear these tees while eating fries and drinking beer in Belgium. One does not necessarily coincide with the other, but since nothing of a bizarre nature occurred in Belgium we'll go back just for the beer, waffles, chocolate, and fries.
9. We will over caffeinate on Timmy Ho's and make up our own Anne of Green Gables musical, though with aging faculties we will probably convince ourselves that we are Anne. The middle school fantasy will have been fulfilled! Loss of memory aside, that will make up for brittle bones, wrinkled skin, and a carry on of medications . . . We will stop our musical with Anne of the Island as we don't want the six kids. Sorry, not sorry.
10. We will revisit Bodrum for the most beautiful sunset. Even if we don't see it, we will reminisce with kumpir on the beach and an arsenal of memories without regret. Oui . . .Non, je ne regrette rein . . .
When I am 80 . . . indeed. Just as I have a to-do list of things for today (like grade, write a letter, pay a bill, finish a lingering article, walk the dog, grade, grade some more, work on another lingering article, read a book for review . . . yawn stretch, are you tired yet?) I have a list of things to do when I am 80. My bestie and I conference a few times a year, meeting around the globe in airports and hotels, to meet, relax, give talks, make articles, and plot the next one . . . and drink wine and eat chocolate of good quality and seek each city's epic sushi spot (in Amsterdam . . . we found a place, on a side street, that truly raised the bar). In short, we long ago decided when we are 80 we will revisit places we've already been as there is too much to do and see until then.
Of course, much like this post arose from the wake of stress and prolonged insomnia last night (for which I waited to post as people become distressingly alarmed when I post comedic rants at 3 am), you must realize . . . why 80? We will be old and past the point of concerning ourselves with social decorum.
1. T and I will revist Rome. On a Vespa. Brace yourselves now.
2. We will day drink, at noon, at Parisian cafes while leaving our dentures in water glasses on the table. A garcon, or two, will surely turtle away in horror. Our food and drinks will certainly come with speed. Though, I have given up that my French--which I am good with reading and passable via speaking--still sounds like I'm a fifteen year old in Kentucky. As, well, I was when I first learned it. Thus, when I am 80 there will be an upside . . . It will make me sound like an aged hipster of the 20-teens . . . this, will then, reduce our ages by about fifteen or twenty years. We can then be cougars.
3. We will vacation in Puerto Vallarta, taking our Social Security check and cashing it for one dollar bills. Then, we'll make some beefcake waiter trail back and forth with umbrella drinks as we wave single dollars in fans like they are hundreds.
4. We will revert to our single digit days and drink a Coke, upon which we will only drink that when annoying toads are about our space. Then, when you annoy us we will release that Coke in a belch . . . in your face, then teeter along as if nothing happened. Yes, we will be old and not care.
5. We will tell young girls bemoaning boys and men, always in public spaces, what men are really like. Oh hell, we do that now. Frightening 20 year olds . . . it is our job. No one warned us so beautifully.
6. At some point we will attempt to re-balance our center, while engaging in yoga and most likely frightening everyone there. Two 80 year olds attempting Warrior Pose I. Picture it!
6. We will begin each story with "Picture it: New York 2007!" and such. Just to watch your eyes roll.
7. We will wear these tees while eating fries and drinking beer in Belgium. One does not necessarily coincide with the other, but since nothing of a bizarre nature occurred in Belgium we'll go back just for the beer, waffles, chocolate, and fries.
8. If Greece lets us back in we'll go have lattes and lokma (or loukoumades in Greek) on the shore again. Perhaps we will not be dancing on the ferry over, getting harassed by a drunk, and then not have enough layers to battle the ocean breeze on the ride back and layer up with the scarf we wore, the extra blaze one from our handbags the we carry for such emergencies, and then top it off with a beautiful silk one that in no way matches what we have on that day. All the while, making up song lyrics and in turn getting the deck to ourselves as the lunatics have taken over appearing as couture dressed hobos. Okay, we already do that. Round two!
9. We will over caffeinate on Timmy Ho's and make up our own Anne of Green Gables musical, though with aging faculties we will probably convince ourselves that we are Anne. The middle school fantasy will have been fulfilled! Loss of memory aside, that will make up for brittle bones, wrinkled skin, and a carry on of medications . . . We will stop our musical with Anne of the Island as we don't want the six kids. Sorry, not sorry.
10. We will revisit Bodrum for the most beautiful sunset. Even if we don't see it, we will reminisce with kumpir on the beach and an arsenal of memories without regret. Oui . . .Non, je ne regrette rein . . .
And, that my dears, is a life in pictures and dreams . . .with the reality always on the horizon, the background, and set within the place of our times.
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