Cooler than You: Stupid Things I Say and Do

Tonight we shall blame my friend Burberry. He posted a photo of the Halloween/Thanksgiving display at the White Castle in Centereach, NY on Facebook, and this diatribe came back to me. This encounter occurred about two months ago, and I'm finally getting around to grossing you out with it. The short end is my Dad grew up in Indiana. He grew up on the homegrown smell, aroma (if you want to call it that), and allure of White Castle. White Castle is hard to find in most of the country, and when I moved to Long Island all those years ago he was beside himself with joy to see a White Castle. I was not. I never ate there. Honestly, you can even ask my old roommate about the night we went there and she scarfed down far too many sliders, put chicken rings on her fingers as jewelry, and made "boobie sliders" by placing them on her chest. Clearly, someone was DRUNKY DRUNKY. I sucked on a Diet Coke and attempted to hold my breath, and the only time I ever ended up in ther...

This past January my Dad and I were perusing cheap bookstores in Chester, VA. Before I tell you about the bookstore, you should know that we had just come from JcPenneys. While there I used my trusty camera phone to take photos of some hideous prom dresses. They were white, with about twelve yards of white tulle, and they had black and gray sequins on them. I won’t post that photo here because I am sure that many a sixteen year old thought they were the coolest thing since sliced bread to wear to the prom. Now, for that bookstore . . . Dad and I went into a discount bookstore, and while perusing I came across what I can only call the dumbest book I have ever seen. Seriously. Now, if you need a book on how to be a sex goddess I personally think that you need to get out more. You know, there are these delightful places called BARS that anyone can be a goddess at. If you are low on self-esteem just walk into a trashy honky tonk. Drunk ...