What Every Women Needs

In 2012 the concept of a woman needing anything beyond her own wit and merit almost seems passe.  Yet, in this world of instant messages, ATMs, debit cards superseding checks, and steel-toes stilettos a women (or, girl if the term--like me--makes you feel a little more hip, at ease, and at peace within your changing skin) should have a little black book–– or a little black digital phone book–– filled with names beyond old lovers, forlorn exs, or divorce lawyers. These are the things, as I tell students, that just make life easier, richer, and full.

A list, per se, that I deliver to Women's Studies when I can and to students, friends, and sometimes strangers when I see or feel the need . . . or just plain hate what I am hearing.

In no particular order:

1. A former lover, partner du jour if you will, that is no longer a shag buddy.  Just merly a name and number in her book who she can text or call just to say hi.  Why? While not all relationships are meant to last, not every ex needs--or must--be banished into exile.  The loves of our lives teach us something, enrich us, and leave something behind.  A taste for new music, a taste for food . . . the possibilities are endless.  Accordingly, not every past love is a zone of waste and despair.  Learning and new loves arises from such disparities, and often friendships far deeper than the love affair ever allowed blossom in the desolate wake.

2. A mechanic...yes, a girl should make friends with the person who changes her oil, rotates her tires, and replaces the spark plugs. Why? Well, the reason its simple. Chatting with the mechanic, and I don't mean flirting, does everything from giving comfort that the job its done well, that you are not being swindled, and....and if yo are ever in a bind that lovely mechanic its more likely to give yo a payment plan our do the job for less moola. My mechanic knows that if I say the rotors are dead that they are. If I say they are good, then they are...he also shows me the old parts. I learned the basics of cars years ago, so I am capable of knowing shot rotors and pads, and I can change them if need be. Yet, I pay Ray––a man with three kids who lives not far from me in Queens––to do the work...I trust him, his work hasn't let me down, and...I know I'm not getting over charged because of my vagina. In many ways you put your life in the hands of your mechanic...so you should trust him and develop a relationship of sorts, just for the sheer sake of sanity if not your pocket book.

3. If you are like me, you have an addiction to caffeine...which in my case means gallons are consumed on the regular basis. So, every girl should have her own coffee mug...a mug she is married to, so to speak. Why? Well, there is something to be said for having that cup nestled in your hands every morning, with steam bubbling from the top, knowing that it is your cup. A moment of tranquil grace, if you may. Those few moments in the morning, before the stress (or even hell) of the day, do wonders for thought and senses of freedom...a moment to have free of thought, clear from pressures, spouses, and everything else along the way.I have two cups: one called my name at an artist festival in Santa Few years ago. It literally fell off the shelf and into my hand. The other...part of an awesome wedding gift, since part of my academic career has focused on writing and exploring the social concepts and gendered validity of Wonder Woman.

4. A cobbler...and no I don't mean someone who makes fake IDs. Though,I guess if you are planning a life of flight and flee from law abiding society...but,a cobbler who repairs leather shoes and handbags. Ah, yes, indeed this is the type I refer. That great pair of boots, that you bought at a steal, that perfect briefcase that doubles as a weekend bag, a grocery bag, a shipping trip bag, or an anytime bag is worth the twenty bucks to have it repaired. Of course,a cobbler––a good one–– comes to know you and the best way to reinforce your heels and shoulder straps so that your to die for leather pieces won't crumble at the most inopportune times.

5. A pleasure that you shamelessly embrace, no matter how much you are mocked. Aside from being a shameless Yankees fan I truly enjoy sprawling myself on the couch with the recent copy of _New York Magazine_. I love the snark, the inside NYC jokes, neighborhood news, and just the sheer mindless joy I get from the majority of the magazine. There's a reason I splurged and spent 30 bones for the digital subscription. Yup, my tablet and me enjoy shameless NYC snark alongside _The New York Times_. That subscription I get for free–– about the only quasi financial perk from having taken a vow of poverty to be in academia–– and in the off months that it runs out I pay the couple bucks for access about two months of the year (between semesters).

6. A piece of furniture that is truly yours: no matter how tacky or out of place it is. Mine...the eight dollar solid wood dresser I scored at the thrift store two and a half years ago. It was nasty brown, and with some left over paint I got for free I turned it into my favorite piece. A handful of penny nails fixed the drawers...the kitsch look and odd color make it an unexpected mode of color and design. What can I say? The eight dollar bureau is arguably the most spectacularly unexpected piece in my house.

FYI, the color here is a a bit if the mark...it is more of a subdued tone.

7. A fabulous pair of jeans that do everything for the ass. Yes, as in shrink it, lift it, and make it something you forget about for a spell. Oh posh. Don't lie. Every woman has had issues with the aside of her ass at some point. This one is a misnomer...

8. A cause you truly believe in. One that you will fight for. One that you dollop part of your paycheck too. I have a couple...obviously Lupus is one. Though there is the protection of a a woman's right to choose and protect her own body that has been a central concern as of late...if we don't stand up and fight for what we believe in then there will be no one to protect us when we need it. It is a statement as old as moment, but it is one that still stands true.

9. A superb writing pen. Write everything from the grocery list to the paying the phone bill. The first time I got paid from a press I paid the rent, bought groceries, lunch, and a Waterman fountain pen. That said pen goes well with a faults notebook. The notebook has article notes, short story notes, travel plans, and endless other things. My best friend paid an arm and leg for it in Turkey. They aren't cheap people.

10. Finally...not a thing, per se, but rather...the good sense to shut the world out, curl up with a book, in sweat pants (read that as yoga pants, since they are comfortable and sexy), let yourself relax, ignore deadlines, and give little care of who judges you for a spell. I