Rules of the Road
Apparently there are rules to city driving that I never knew about. Forget the fact that I've been in these parts for almost ten years, minus about eighteen months or so when I was in Dixie hell.
1. Yell Douchebag at people crossing the street. I do that on occasion. Okay, I do that whenever some fucktard moron stops IN THE MIDDLE of the crosswalk to look around like an idiot who has never seen electric light. "It's so pretty. It's so pretty. Let's take a picture." My boot up your ass people.
2. Whenever unloading groceries, furniture, children, the dog, or something else you should park in the middle of the sidewalk even though there are ample parking spots on the street.
3. On a one way street go in reverse so that technically you are not going the wrong direction. You know, since you are facing the correct direction so just because your car in going the wrong way that can't be a problem.
4. When picking up someone honk really loudly. Do this repeatedly, no matter the time of day. (I should say I do not like my upstairs neighbors. Instead of hearing them have sex, I hear their rides honk for them at three in the fucking morning. I would rather hear the noisy bed that supposedly makes orgasms.)
5. When pulling away from a woman sitting on the stoop (yes, me) stare at her breasts. Repeatedly. You should do this every. time. you. see. her.
Just makin' observations. That's all.
1. Yell Douchebag at people crossing the street. I do that on occasion. Okay, I do that whenever some fucktard moron stops IN THE MIDDLE of the crosswalk to look around like an idiot who has never seen electric light. "It's so pretty. It's so pretty. Let's take a picture." My boot up your ass people.
2. Whenever unloading groceries, furniture, children, the dog, or something else you should park in the middle of the sidewalk even though there are ample parking spots on the street.
3. On a one way street go in reverse so that technically you are not going the wrong direction. You know, since you are facing the correct direction so just because your car in going the wrong way that can't be a problem.
4. When picking up someone honk really loudly. Do this repeatedly, no matter the time of day. (I should say I do not like my upstairs neighbors. Instead of hearing them have sex, I hear their rides honk for them at three in the fucking morning. I would rather hear the noisy bed that supposedly makes orgasms.)
5. When pulling away from a woman sitting on the stoop (yes, me) stare at her breasts. Repeatedly. You should do this every. time. you. see. her.
Just makin' observations. That's all.
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