And Vampires Have to Refuel
These days I've been thinking a lot about what has transpired in the past year. Last year this time I was fretting away the days until a defense, battling severe anemia, and then there was that pesky surgery on the horizon. Don't forget I was staring the prospect of unemployment in its ugly face. Funny how much things have changed, and it is also funny at how they haven't come that far from where they were. Last month I realized that I hadn't gone out much in almost two years. That was when things started, well I should reword that. That was when the health started to go sour. I didn't feel like explaining so I let that conversation make me sound like more of a loner and nerd than I really am.
I defended just fine, had the bloody surgery four days later (yes, a bad pun I know), and things went awry. What I let people know is that there was an unplanned blood transfusion, which coincidentally gave me my bat wings. And seriously, for those of you that are appalled that I made sucking noises, flapped bat wings, and told the nurses I was a vampire . . . get over it. That is by far the funniest thing I have done in regards to my health in years. Post surgery recovery took forever, actually I am just now getting my muscles to tone back.
A book contract happened, job interviews, no jobs, the prospect of a post doc, loosing said post doc because of budget cuts (and f.y.i. that was a heavily laden booze filled night--first came vodka and when I ran out of that I brought on the bourbon), and other things along the way.
Then there was someone I thought I loved. Well, let's face it. I did love him, and a part of me always will. As for making peace for everything that happened between us, the things that I let occur, and where I want my life to be I can't say that a sense of complete release will occur anytime soon. We love people for all the right reasons, even more of the wrong, and sometimes things work out. In this case, they did not. I still ask myself how I let things go on for so long, how I let them go so far, and why I believed in something that I knew would never be anything more than what it was. The answer is simple. I am bad with people, horrible with relationships, and in the end it was nice to know that someone wanted me once. That whole drama ended at the end of June, and sometimes I hear from him. Things haven't changed much, and there are days (like today) that I get bogged down in memories and the questions I am left with. One day I'll figure it out, in the meantime it's nice to know he's doing well.
In August I moved back down to Dixie, ended up with a last minute, one semester, Visiting Assistant hire, and here I am. Three weeks until the end of term, and in the spring I'll be at adjunct rate. It's gonna be hard living on that pay cut.
As for right now . . . I'm on the academic job market these days. How's that going, you ask. Pfft. That is all I have to say about it so far. The economic crisis of the United States is causing many schools to cut searches and money, and the effect is more than trickle down/domino/or nightmarish. Though, I did get an email asking me to interview at a school in Istanbul. Sweet huh? Well, I can't make the interview dates, so I had to tell them. It's been a week, and they haven't gotten back to me about the possibility of another interview date. Yup.
Though, I am revising a book proposal and manuscript for another press. That news came this week, so perhaps the second book will come to be. Then, literally, you can buy me and buy me often. Now let's hope nothing jinxes it.
So while I think about how things have turned this past year, I run in earnest, I write, and oh . . . I am back on the iron pills. Yea, anemia sucks. Lupus annoys me; particularly with the damned rash lately. I love seeing the pill bottles multiply like gremlins on my dresser. Though, as I pop the tabs of vampire fuel, eat fortified granola, and snack on power bars (which many taste like regurgitated cardboard) I know that sucking on a rusty nail would taste better more often than not. But, I go on and I would like to avoid hospitals, needles, and transfusions for sometime. In some ways, things haven't gone that far.
I'm not knocking on death's door, but I'm still stuck in that place of pondering. My least favorite place to be.
I defended just fine, had the bloody surgery four days later (yes, a bad pun I know), and things went awry. What I let people know is that there was an unplanned blood transfusion, which coincidentally gave me my bat wings. And seriously, for those of you that are appalled that I made sucking noises, flapped bat wings, and told the nurses I was a vampire . . . get over it. That is by far the funniest thing I have done in regards to my health in years. Post surgery recovery took forever, actually I am just now getting my muscles to tone back.
A book contract happened, job interviews, no jobs, the prospect of a post doc, loosing said post doc because of budget cuts (and f.y.i. that was a heavily laden booze filled night--first came vodka and when I ran out of that I brought on the bourbon), and other things along the way.
Then there was someone I thought I loved. Well, let's face it. I did love him, and a part of me always will. As for making peace for everything that happened between us, the things that I let occur, and where I want my life to be I can't say that a sense of complete release will occur anytime soon. We love people for all the right reasons, even more of the wrong, and sometimes things work out. In this case, they did not. I still ask myself how I let things go on for so long, how I let them go so far, and why I believed in something that I knew would never be anything more than what it was. The answer is simple. I am bad with people, horrible with relationships, and in the end it was nice to know that someone wanted me once. That whole drama ended at the end of June, and sometimes I hear from him. Things haven't changed much, and there are days (like today) that I get bogged down in memories and the questions I am left with. One day I'll figure it out, in the meantime it's nice to know he's doing well.
In August I moved back down to Dixie, ended up with a last minute, one semester, Visiting Assistant hire, and here I am. Three weeks until the end of term, and in the spring I'll be at adjunct rate. It's gonna be hard living on that pay cut.
As for right now . . . I'm on the academic job market these days. How's that going, you ask. Pfft. That is all I have to say about it so far. The economic crisis of the United States is causing many schools to cut searches and money, and the effect is more than trickle down/domino/or nightmarish. Though, I did get an email asking me to interview at a school in Istanbul. Sweet huh? Well, I can't make the interview dates, so I had to tell them. It's been a week, and they haven't gotten back to me about the possibility of another interview date. Yup.
Though, I am revising a book proposal and manuscript for another press. That news came this week, so perhaps the second book will come to be. Then, literally, you can buy me and buy me often. Now let's hope nothing jinxes it.
So while I think about how things have turned this past year, I run in earnest, I write, and oh . . . I am back on the iron pills. Yea, anemia sucks. Lupus annoys me; particularly with the damned rash lately. I love seeing the pill bottles multiply like gremlins on my dresser. Though, as I pop the tabs of vampire fuel, eat fortified granola, and snack on power bars (which many taste like regurgitated cardboard) I know that sucking on a rusty nail would taste better more often than not. But, I go on and I would like to avoid hospitals, needles, and transfusions for sometime. In some ways, things haven't gone that far.
I'm not knocking on death's door, but I'm still stuck in that place of pondering. My least favorite place to be.
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